Everyone
is familiar with Peter Pan, the book by J.M. Barrie, the
Scottish playwright, about a boy named Peter who never
wanted to grow up. In the recent movie, "Finding Neverland",
inspired by true events, we learn that Barrie drew inspiration
for his most famous work from four boys and their widowed
mother who he met in a park. The movie begins with the
opening of one of his plays which flopped, and Barrie's
observation that "play" has indeed become serious.
In
his interactions with the boys, Barrie gets in touch with
his inner child that he was forced to give up at age 10
when his older brother died, and Barrie dressed in his
brother's clothes to cheer up his mother. Barrie and the
children play games dressed up as pirates, cowboys, and
Indians with understated special effects.
We
learn from Barrie that even though there is much pain,
loss and grief in the world, as witnessed by Barrie's life
and the lives of these boys and their Mom, we can still
nourish our imagination with play though out our lives.
We see this as adults when we let down our guard and play
with our children and pets, as Barrie did in the movie.
There
is a difference between acting like a child and being child-like.
In a brilliant strategy, Barrie invited 25 orphans to the
opening and scattered them throughout the theatre. In the
first scene, when the dog, Nana, entered the children's
bedroom, the children laughed and seemed to break the ice
as other adults joined in the laughter, and later the clapping
to save Tinkerbell. ("Clap if you believe in fairies.")
We
can still nourish and cultivate our dreams and our spirit
even though we are busy, responsible adults. We sometimes
get so caught up in the seemingly mundane activity of our
lives, dealing with house repairs, raising a family, the
never ending errands, and health challenges as we get older,
that we do not make time to dream and indulge ourselves
in activities that stimulate our imagination. My clients
often tell me that they are not creative, yet when we remember
our childhood, most of us have fond memories of creative
play and talents that got buried as we aged, and focused
more on developing careers, making money and supporting
our families.
I
work with many people who yearn to express their talents
and knowledge in the workplace, and be appreciated for
their contributions. But I also see those who give up,
who compromise their values, and are held captive in demanding
yet financially lucrative jobs that sustain elaborate lifestyles.
Working more but enjoying it less, they cater to demanding
clients and superiors in toxic environments with constant
pressure to please.
But
even our aspired Neverland is not devoid of pain and trouble.
Remember the pirates and the Indians? The crocodile with
the ticking clock in his stomach reminds us that we are
all mortal beings. Life can be difficult. And it can also
be short. That is why it is so important to know your ideal
life and work to hold to that dream. We can then more easily
set our priorities, and navigate our way through life's
challenges.
So
my wish for you in 2005 is that you find your Neverland.
That you spend time this New Year dreaming and scheming
for the life you want. Set boundaries and develop goals
so you only let in the work and the people who can nourish
you, and quality of life that you desire.
Do
you believe?
Career
Goals and Stress:
How to Achieve Goals and Maintain Your Sanity
Deborah
R. Brown, MSM, MSW
When it comes to career success, direction and focus are crucial. But beyond direction, how effective is it to have goals?
Requirements for Effective Goal-Setting
Much has been researched and written about the effectiveness of goal setting. The findings say that :
As I approached graduation from college many years ago, I wrote
a poem about goal setting.
My Brook and
I
I
remember the brook
streaming though the woods;
spending hours around it,
building forts, wiping the mud off me with skunk cabbage.
I
remember the brook on sunny days;
Water babbling over stones and rocks, pieces of wood;
making the water ripple the way it did.
I
wondered what happened to the brook
traveling away from my yard.
I had a goal for my brook
to flow to the ocean...but then what?
I
see goals for myself
thwarted, rearranged, fulfilled.
But the goal for my brook;
What happened to it?
Having
set goals the brook and I
build toward them.
The brook unable to know...
about a pipe in the ground, a seeping marsh, a dam.
Myself not knowing the course I will follow.
Knowing what I want,
yet finding it hard to grasp.
I
remember years of competition, of struggle, of acceptance.
Then discovering what is real, important;
myself, my friends, expression;
a soft kitten purring on my lap;
peace.
Being
more than a doctor, a lawyer.
Knowing comfort, relaxation.
Being myself.
Approaching
the completion of one goal,
I set new ones.
But fulfilling them means going away, sorrow.
Like the brook moves on, streams to the river...
the ocean.
Saying goodbye to familiar things,
friends.
Facing a reoccurrence of similar past memories,
painful.
I
know a word...self-fulfillment.
Being vulnerable, can I take chances?
Being strong, grinding ahead through disappointments.
Being weak, letting go of crippled goals.
Like a brook who misses the river,
finding another happiness.
Being
motivated, seeking what I am after,
But not too aggressive.
Being easy, tension-free.
Making
it through the insecurity
Like cool water in a brook;
not knowing what will come.
Traveling through the seasons of time.
Molding myself to the environment like the brook
makes its path through nature.
Sliding over any obstacles
the brook continues over rocks, pieces of wood.
Freezing in the rough, cold spots;
melting in the warm.
Praying for a map free of dams to follow
in a steady, unchartered progression.
My brook and I.
What
Is Right Livelihood?
Deborah
R. Brown, MSM, MSW
The
idea of "right livelihood" originally comes from
Buddhism and refers to work that is consciously chosen,
performed with full awareness and care and leads to enlightenment.
It means we show our love for the world through our work
and should avoid work that hurts or exploits others. Work
provides us with an opportunity to put our beliefs into
action.
Conscious
Choice
In
my consulting practice, I often work with people whose
work, through a series of circumstances, has chosen them.
Sometimes these career choices seem arbitrary. One person
liked a professor he had in college and therefore took
up that person's occupation. What many deemed "practical" dictated
their direction. Some chose a professional graduate school
so they would be qualified to do something, only to realize
in their first job that that they do not like the work
itself. Sadly, career choice is often not inspired from
a passion or a particular talent or need of expression.
A
married person with a family sometimes makes career decisions
based on what is best for the family. Work that does not
harm others and supports our family is important. If we
find our options are limited while we raise a family, we
can be thankful that we have a well-paying job, and can
plan for a career change to more fulfilling work when the
children have left home.
Mindfulness
Right
livelihood is also about being present in the moment and
doing the work that needs to be done. It means concentrating
on each task at hand. All parts of the work are important,
including the paperwork many of us would rather not do.
It means being willing to do the "grunge" work.
Mother Teresa said that there is too much preaching and
not enough doing. "Take a broom and clean someone's
house," she says. "That says enough."
I
have a client who was miserable working at a large law
firm. She gained weight and had difficulty completing her
work, even though she was very capable. Changing law firms
did not improve the situation. Then she went through a
thorough assessment process with me where we looked honestly
at who she is and what she wanted. She discovered she really
wants to work from her home making draperies or other crafts.
She now has a two-year plan to make that happen. In the
interim she worked out a three quarter time schedule with
her old firm that allows her time to take better care of
herself, pay off debt and plan her business.
Enlightenment
Opus,
as defined by Jung, is the "work of the soul." Often
when people come to me unhappy in their work, it is because
the work does not fit them. It does not nourish the soul.
Our work is a reflection of who we are. But if there is
a discrepancy between the work and who we are, then the
soul suffers. It could be that we did not do "good" work
or that the work itself doesn't represent who we are.
When
I was a financial advisor, I felt the essence of providing people
with investment options was good. People should save and
invest their money. But the brokerage environment is competitive,
narrow in job scope, and focused on making money for the
broker and the firm. Just the nature of the commission
sales compensation system can lead to concern more for
the size of the paycheck than recommending investments
that are suitable for clients. I thought there must be
other work I could do that was more a reflection of who
I am and would more fully utilize my talents, skills and
need to express myself. I did not feel that I had a special "talent" as
a financial advisor; I could not stand out in the industry.
But I feel that I have a special talent for career consultation
and coaching, and I contribute to my clients and add value
to their lives. And the feedback I get from the universe
(from having some success in this endeavor), supports that
there is some truth to this assumption. This does not come
from an inflated ego, but from working in two different occupations,
feeling like things were not "right", and conducting
a thorough self-assessment process where I was honest about
my skills and abilities. I also went back to graduate school
and continue to invest in learning. And as I develop my business,
I am clear about my strengths and weaknesses so that I do
not get pulled in directions that will not fit for me. I
make conscious choices that sometimes mean sacrificing income
or prestige.
Conclusion
Right
livelihood is about earning your keep on this planet and
doing work that supports life. According to Marsha Sinetar, "It
means doing your best at what you do best." It means
being proactive, honestly evaluating our options and making
conscious choices. Right livelihood means contributing
to our chosen work in a way that expands the work itself
and grows us in the process.
To
Secure That Great Job, Focus Your Job Search!
Deborah
R. Brown, MSM, MSW
Graduation
time is coming and new graduates are looking for that first
job. I remember when I was graduating with my MSW; I asked
my friend what she wanted to do.
"I
would like a job working with children, " she replied.
What does that tell you? Not much. It could mean working
as a child care provider, a psychotherapist, or even a
teacher. Similarly, I sat next to someone at a meeting
who was job searching and there to network. I asked him
what kind of a job he was looking for, and he said, "Something
working with people." Almost every job in any occupation
involves working with people to some degree!
Assessment
In
order to conduct an effective job search that will yield
a job you want, you must focus your efforts. This is critical
and applies no matter how much experience you have. It
means first conducting a thorough assessment of your skills,
interests, values and abilities. What kinds of rewards
do you want to receive from your work? Know your strengths
and weaknesses and focus your job search in a position
that allows you to use your strengths.
Resume
The
next step is to create a resume that will reflect where
you want to go with your career. A resume should include
your major accomplishments, and should not be written as
a job description or a list of your responsibilities. Determine
which kind of resume would be the most effective in your
job search, functional or chronological. A functional resume
lists your accomplishments in different categories, such
as administrative, supervision and clinical. It is more
effective if you are making a career transition or you
are seeking a position that does not emphasize those skills
used in your current job. A chronological resume lists
your employers and accomplishments in reverse chronological
order, beginning with the most current.
Networking
At
least 75% of people get their jobs through networking.
Others are usually willing to help in yourjob search, but
they need to know:
What
you are looking for, and
How they can help.
With
focus, these are easy questions to answer. People often
network just when they need a new job. Networking should
be an on-going process that reflects both giving and receiving.
Where
to Apply?
You
can respond to advertisements, but remember that everyone
else is also doing the same. Another strategy is to identify
the organizations that would hire people like you and contact
them directly. Focus is critical to target your market
and pursue it vigorously! The easiest job search I ever
had is when I was applying to be stockbroker. I knew exactly
the job I wanted and that I wanted to work with one of
four major firms. It took a year, but I secured a position
with Dean Witter.
Money
as a Resource: Gaining Perspective
Deborah
R. Brown, MSM, MSW
I
often watch my clients who make six figure incomes, yet are
miserable, struggle with the thought of earning less. Although
they are in jobs that provide little satisfaction, and/or work
in conditions that are dehumanizing and demoralizing, they
are addicted to the salary, perks and prestige of their careers.
They find themselves handcuffed to a large, popular company,
or a glamour profession. And, especially for the younger ones,
at the exact time they complain of their unhappiness on the
job, they may purchase a new house or a fancy car. They want
the "things" to make up for the discomfort and dissatisfaction
they find in their career. They want to assume the outward
appearances of success, while they are suffering deep inside.
But things can't do that for us. Nor can fancy expensive vacations.
Ever take a great vacation and then 24 hours after your return
feel like it never happened??
Marianne
Williamson says it best.
"Meaning
doesn't lie in things. Meaning lies in us.
When we
attach value to things that aren't love-
the money,
the car, the house, the prestige-
we are loving things
that can't love us back.
We are searching for meaning in the meaningless. Money, of itself,
means nothing.
Material things, of themselves, mean nothing. It's not that they're
bad. It's that they're nothing."
In
a questionnaire I give to my clients, I ask when in their
life they felt the most successful andthe happiest. A surprising
number of people describe their college days or when they
were just starting out in their first job. In college they
knew where they were going. They set goals, achieved academic
success and had a rewarding social life. They had balance.
Their first job after college provided the means to furnish
an apartment and establish their independence. Life was
simple. Even so, when considering making a change in their
career to more fulfilling work, some will not consider
taking a lower starting salary, or moving to a smaller
house or one that is in a less prestigious neighborhood.
Or a change to a less glamorous career, like teaching,
that is a better fit for them. It seems often it is those
with the most financial resources who see their choices
as the most limited. Yet logic tells us they should be
the ones with the most options!
Yes,
we need money to live--as anyone who struggles to pay rent,
buy food and get medical care can tell you. Money is a
resource that provides many of the creature comforts we
enjoy. Money will provide the comfortable nursing home
for my mother who has Parkinson's Disease. Money will put
our children through college and provide for our retirements.
But it is also this attachment to money and "things" that
does many of us in--this pursuit of large paychecks and
closets filled with clothes we never wear. Instead, we
should first identify what gives meaning to our lives.
And identifying and pursing meaningful work that uses the
best of us is one way to add value to our work beyond the
paycheck.
I
once had a client say that he would like to be able to
take off to Hawaii whenever he wanted. This is the same
man who has not taken a vacation in years because he is
consumed in work, burnt out and miserable. He pays someone
to walk his dog because frequently he is not available
to do so. Perhaps if he had a life that he was happy with
he would not need to get away from it so much by taking
expensive vacations.
I
worked with a couple that were both employed for the same
Fortune 500 company for 15 and 20 years respectively. This
company has a strong corporate culture that demands loyalty
and offers no flexible or alternative work schedules. Their
work is demanding and consuming. They contacted me because
they lacked meaning and balance in their lives. Since one
of them travels extensively,the other assumes almost total
responsibility for household chores whileworking a sixty-hour
work week. Their goal was to retire early. But what purpose
does an early retirement serve to people who have not yet
learned how to live??
If
we devote our lives to amassing material possessions, and
measure our worth by these things, what happens if we lose
some of it through divorce (there is a 50% divorce rate
in this country), or from losing our job. If our worth
is attached to that county club membership and it suddenly
disappears, who are we? Today's companies run lean and
mean and lay-off employees when profits decline. Many states
are "right to work" and do not need a reason
to fire an employee.
If
we spend time developing a clear sense of who we are and
what we value, and live our lives to reflect those values,
then we have the inner resources to shield us in times
of misfortune. All is not lost if we lose our job. All
is not lost if the stock market goes down. What I am talking
about is developing a strong inner foundation and a healthier
perspective on money so that we can develop both inner
and outer wealth. It's fine to set a goal of owning a nice
home and car. It is when we expect these things alone to
provide fulfillment for us that we get in trouble.
Networking
"Dig
a well before you are thirsty."
Chinese Proverb
Did
you know that:
"If
I want it done right, I do it myself."
Power Networking
"What
goes around comes around"
"You reap what you sow"
Facing
Your Fears
"I
can't handle rejection."
"If they support me, what will they expect in return?"
"I don't want to look weak."
"I'm not comfortable being pushy or aggressive."
Make
lists of your friends, relatives and acquaintances.
Sources
Neighbors
People I went to school with
People I have worked with in the past
People who attend my place of worship
Former teachers, employers
People I socialize with
People who provide services to me
Friends of relatives
Members of professional and social organizations
Other
Job Lead Sources
Want-Ads
Only 25% of all job openings are made public
A survey of employers in two major US cities found that 75-80%
of employers do not hire employees through job ads.
Professional
Journals and Newsletters
Employment
Agencies
State
Private
Government
Employment
Web Sites
How
to Contact Employers
- Personal
Referral
- Telephone
Contact
- Informational
Interview
- Human
Resources
- Mailing
Resume
- Web
Site Postings
- E-mail/Fax
Prepare
15 Second Introduction
Developing
Your Resume
You
need a resume because employers use a resume as a screening
process when seeking employees. The process of creating
a resume also helps you to assess and recognize your
strengths and accomplishments.
Basic
Information
Include
no personal information, such as marital status or anything
that would indicate your race or religion.
Do
not use all caps. They are hard on the eyes.
Include
name, address, phone number, and e-mail.
A
resume should be accomplishment oriented and not a job
description.
List
your employers with dates of employment, city and job
title.
Use
a serif (Times New Roman or Courier) rather than a sans
serif typeface.
Use
a 12 font. You can use large than a 12 for headings.
Use
quality bond paper, white or off-white.
Do
not use booklets.
Keep
resume to one page if you have lmited experience.
Use
action words.
Include
major highlights (accomplishments) but not everything
you have ever done in your life..
Three
Types: Chronological, Functional and Combination
Functional
The
functional lists your accomplishments in different categories
(functional areas).
Examples:
Management, Accounting, Legal, Writing
It's more effective if you are:
